Have you ever really thought about how you determine your value, how much are you worth and if your worth is measured and paid for in currency, should it be? As a culture, we seem to be focused on how much money people have. But there has to be other ways to look at how you internally measure yourself.
Think about it, people do things for free all the time that have an unmeasurable amount of value, for them and others around them, mothers, volunteers and teachers. Then there is a group that do something creative, hoping one day it will reward them in new ways; musicians, artists, or dancers. These are the people that we should be asking about value, not the hedge fund banker or the person who leases a Ferrari.
"What is value, worth and pay for you and are they as related to each other as you thought?"
Wealth cannot be worth, there has to be more. Think about it in the context of your own life, there are things that you do that you see as more valuable than others. It's normal to show different levels of value across different facets of our lives. You for example might be valued as an amazing mother, but you do it without the exchange of money, and you are likely a good friend, a good neighbour and a great … you fill in the blanks. So if worth is measured only in terms of the pay you receive, this system is suggesting that in those years that you take to raise your children you are not valued, and this is simply not true. You are valued in a deeper internal and more important way. This suggestion also doesn't account for the changing phases in one's life. To use the same example - you are not a mother in the same way forever, you will likely be committed to this role in different ways as your child grows. You move through phases like everyone else. If all this is true, why is it that so many of us see the salary we are paid as our only form of value? It's nonsense.
On the flip side to the mother analogy, you might be a very productive CEO but pay yourself very little as you work for a non-for-profit. Or maybe you are a very lazy senior manager who commands a fat pay package but doesn’t have a measurable outcome. Wherever you are now, it does not take away the value you had or might have in the future. You see the issue? How can we use salary as a measure if there is no account for time, stage of life or your sense of what you see as important?
We are often perceived to be the things that most identifies us. I mean the first question people ask after your name is what do you do? We are all guilty of this, but the assumption that we are nothing more is very shortsighted.
I propose that if you have been measuring yourself based on your salary, you find some other way to quantify your worth and value. The new measure should be within a system that you have devised for yourself. What is value, worth and pay for you and are they as related to each other as you thought? Imagine for a moment you took the salary you are paid out of the equation, how would you value yourself?
How to find value?
Start looking internally. There isn’t a magic formula, but the value of yourself is in how you choose to see it - in the eye of the beholder. Before I loose you, remember that we are all works in progress and if you are not seeing value then you might be able to find some and build on it. Start by asking yourself what you want?
If it is a new car, dig a little deeper, why do you want a new car, is it for utility or for status? If it is status then ask yourself, what will this new status add to your life, what are you looking for? Keep going, is it that you want to look and feel important. OK, for who? Are you trying to fill a void? What is the void? Are there other ways you can find the status? Is it even status, are you actually looking for or is it respect? Why do you need respect? And if it is respect, who are you looking to get it from? I could go on. Basically, there will be a route in all of our goals, some of them are disguised by shiny things. It might be easier to work on the non-shiny version. For example, if it was respect that you were looking for, it might be wiser to find a way to respect yourself before trying to force others to respect you. If you value yourself others will value you too, with or without the new car.
Authenticity and honesty with yourself would be your next step, after you have gotten over the need for a new car. There are hundreds of books about finding your authentic self, believing in yourself and following your own journey. It can sound like a slogan at times, but if you strip it back, it's suggesting that you find something that matters to you, and that you follow it for you. It’s not selfish, its honest. When you do this you can start to find value. Regardless of if it’s to knit a scarf or run an empire. You can learn to listen to your real inner voice, not the one that criticizes and compares, but the one that suggests you should be doing the things that make you feel good. Your authentic self won’t automatically come with trust, bravery and honesty, but if you get to know it a bit, like any relationship it will develop.
In amongst the theories, there is one concept that for me made the most logical sense. It’s the principle of finding your Dharma (rough translation, right way of living) and the way to do this is through the bringing together of a passion, a skill and that they are useful to others. I do not follow the Hindu religion but like with many ancient views of the world, they were derived in a simpler time, less distraction and I feel that this somehow offers a little more clarity.
You at this moment might only have a passion that might someday be useful, remember that all skills can be honed, learned and improved. Start with this passion. It will likely sustain you longer than something you are good at but find no pleasure in. It’s that activity or a practice that you seem to find time for, no payment required as you’d do it anyway, when you do it you lose hours, it puts you in a state of flow that you cannot find in other day-to-day activities. This is your thing, use it.
"I was guilty of waiting for my career to define me, to complete me. Sounds like a really weird love story. It was, and some days still is."
I believe my Dharma is writing, I have been writing for years, even if it was just for myself for the longest time. I will do it always, regardless of the readership. With an excessive amount of filled notebooks surrounding me, I should have seen the signs, I couldn’t, I was fearful of what it might mean. Is there something that is right in front of you that is kind of obvious? Follow the signs. Don’t let the fear be your saboteur.
Being obsessed consciously or unconsciously is not a prerequisite, but it might hold a clue. If you’re not sure what it is, try new things and see what you do and don’t enjoy about different topics or activities. You might find you love to grow vegetables, and that it won’t be your next career choice but on the weekends it adds a conscious value to your life making it feel more worthwhile.
I know what you’re thinking - what a waste of time. But on the contrary, each activity will allow you to understand how different subjects will ignite the same curiosity within. It might result in a love for learning. In the process, you’ll likely find the one thing that brings you joy. When was the last time you lost a day? Fell into something that you were proud of? The participation versus the reward didn’t matter, because you enjoyed it. There is a sign in there somewhere, what would happen if you paid a little more attention?
It could be that you love to cook, swim, read or garden. This pursuit, whatever it might be doesn’t have to generate a result for anyone but you. What if we all took a little more time focusing on all the things that we loved instead of the things we feel we have to do? Are there things that come naturally to you? What do you find yourself thinking about more than anything else? This is your authentic self - this person is screaming to get out, what he, she or they look like is already determined.
Envy could be your guide to living your life right.
I read somewhere (many years ago, so long ago, I cannot remember the reference) that the things that you are envious of might also be trying to tell you something. If you have a friend that has recently been promoted, are you jealous? If so, what of… is it the success, acknowledgment from their peers, their determination, or the job itself, that makes you feel this way. I too used to do this. I thought it was the job titles I desired, but it was the joy that they showed in their choices - their risk-taking, the bravery to go after what they wanted. If you look hard enough at a behaviour it might tell you all that you need to know about yourself.
The bored eye-roll I get when I tell people I wrote all weekend - they never ask, what about, for what purpose? It’s kind of funny, it’s of no interest to anyone around me, so it’s mine. Something that I don’t have to explain or justify. However, if I got a job offer that came with more money and a bigger job title it would somehow make them all measure and take stock of where they are. They might even feel envy, but most people wouldn’t think about why. They’ll likely never examine those feelings any more than to assume that the offer was just luck.
I’ll admit it took me years to think about things this way, and I’m still learning. The corporate world has been pretty good to me, I am surrounded by driven creative individuals. But, what I wake up thinking about every day is writing. It’s raw and unedited and I love it.
Your value can be found in the strangest of places.
I was guilty of waiting for my career to define me, to complete me. Sounds like a really weird love story. It was, and some days still is. I struggled with the value that someone else put on my worth. (Thank you Covid for bringing this to our attention.) I was convinced as are others around me that my value was measure by my salary. But, therein amongst difficult conversations, I found a person who was quietly fighting for me, it was me. I would never say the things I wrote down out loud. They were my thoughts, my feelings, my frustrations. The joke of it all is that writing those sentences, working through something that I was yet to understand, were the highlights of those days. Being passionate about something, having an internal argument with myself was a subject to write about, the gift of a topic. Something that showed me that there is more to me than the 40 hours I get paid for.
"72 hours of free time. This means you have a majority (or just over 40%) a week for you to find value and worth in the things you choose to commit to"
Don’t misunderstand, I know we all need to work and if it's enjoyable then it makes us among the lucky, and if it is helping us develop our dharma then we are extremely fortunate. However, the moment when I was waiting to be valued by another I was angry. Not at the company I work for but at myself. My value is internal and I couldn't see it. Money isn’t worth. We can be the richest people in the world when it comes to self-worth if we have the know-how. We have, after all, been valuing ourselves for decades. No one will ever match the internal number and nor should they have to.
The hours dedicated to an employer are in the simplest form an exchange of time for money. Most jobs have one task one goal, but that goal regardless of how well you achieve it isn’t the sum of who you are, so why should the number you are paid to do it be? An employer will (based on some very fancy balance sheets) pay you what the industry standard is, or a little bit more if you have years of experience. If it’s not enough you have to ask yourself why? Is this their problem or yours? It might be that you start to see pay is paid, worth and value are far more complicated, they are internal, endless and accumulative.
Let’s be truly honest, most jobs are a 40 hours a week commitment. There are, however, 168 hours in each week. To expect one part of that time spent, exchanged, or taken, ie. an employer to pay you for your full worth in that 40 hour commitment is unrealistic - actually, it’s just bad math. Your 40 hours is less than 24% of your actual weekly time. 168 hours minus 56 hours for sleep, leaves you with 112 hours, less the 40 for a standard working week, gives you 72 hours of free time. This means you have a majority (or just over 40%) a week for you to find value and worth in the things you choose to commit to. Choose how you want to spend your time, how you want to see things and how important your goals and values become when they’re based on your own authenticity.
