Self-love is when you put yourself first, it might be for a moment or once a week or maybe it's whenever you need to self-soothe. It’s finding things that are just for you. Moments that make you happy that you can pull on and continue to cultivate over and over again.
Many of us shrug this off and reject the idea as we don’t have time or the capacity to add more things into our busy lives, but the irony is, if this is the frequency in which you are operating you need these moments more than you realise. Self-love is a broad statement and it might already include things you do for yourself but you haven't associated them as self-love, let's see if we can redefine some of your existing habits together.
Anything you love to do could be considered self-love, I know that sounds silly but it’s true, if done with the right intention they could fall under this banner. For example, if you are a runner, and you run to clear the mind - this could be self-love. If you paint, draw, take photographs, cook a new recipe once a week to try something new, all these things could be self-love. If you do them because they feel good they can be your self-love rituals. Next time you do them, acknowledge you are doing this for you, because you love it, or need it. See if it alters the way you experience this activity.
It’s possible that you don’t feel this way about anything you do. You may be someone who moves through each day serving others or working, just to survive, exhausted by the suggestion of doing more. If this is you then I’m glad you are reading, you need a period of self-discovery. Everyone, especially you deserves to do something for yourself. It might be for an hour a week, although I implore you to do things for you as often as you can. Let me tell you a secret… The more you do things you love, the more energised you’ll feel. (But we’ll get to that in another article.)
Ask yourself:
- What do I love to do?
- What am I good at?
- What would I do if I didn’t have to think about money or bills?
- What would I do for free?
- What have I always wanted to do, but have stopped myself?
Still not sure about these, look for clues:
- What is your Instagram or Pinterest feed full of? This could be a clue to your true interest. Is it recipes, art, interior design, silly dog videos, holidays, places, shoes, fashion, cars?
- What is the most stimulating conversation you have had recently, what was it about?
- What is your faviourite book or movie? Why? Is there a character you admire, a storyline that inspired you?
- What are you envious of? Why? This is sometimes the brain giving you an insight into what you might want.
Still not sure…
Try something new, make it the first thing that comes to mind (trust me, you know somewhere deep inside what you want to try, you might just need to get out of the way.) Try things in groups or solo, online or in person until you find something you love to do, journal about how it makes you feel, see if you can cultivate this feeling as often as possible. You’ll likely go through a period where you want to give up because it's hard, the journaling will help you see beyond this.
Once you have found something you enjoy doing, do it more often, build on it, trust it - see where it takes you. Follow it and you’ll be surprised where it takes you. Discovery can happen in amongst everything else you have to do. There is always time and you’ll notice how you’ll magically start to make time for the activities that bring you joy the more you enjoy them.
In this discovery you will start to learn things about yourself that you didn’t before, be curious about this new knowledge, it will help to light the path to other new things.
Now if I have lost you and you’re really not sure where to start, try some of these:
Writing, drawing, painting, dancing, puzzling, walking in nature, yoga, running, gym classes, photography, gardening, coking or DIY-ing.
Notice these things are all doing things, they involve getting the body and the mind to work together. This simple act of getting the body and mind to work together will allow you to get to know yourself better. Trust your body to show you the way.
Concentrating on something external gives the internal a moment of quiet. Try it, see how you feel about yourself when you have given yourself space. Also, a little reminder, there is no hard and fast rule you can’t do all of these things at once and then drop the things you don’t like. No rules, just you and your preferences. How refreshing, no deadlines, no finish date, no expectations just you learning what you like to do. Self-love is a gift and it’s nothing more or less than you deserve.
Let me know what you’re trying in the comments.
