Today marks an accidental 6-month dry period. I say accidental as this time it wasn’t off the back of anything in particular. It just happened. Like many others I have done dry July and even been dry for 18 months once before. (Sounds silly now) This time feels different, it's motivated by a choice of putting myself first.
This break from drinking is my third or fourth break. My motivation is multi-layered, the biggest and easiest correlation is that my husband stopped and I was drinking alone on the couch one night and it made me feel weird reaching for another glass of wine. The lockdowns had created a mild form of dependency, for many of us, and I didnt realise until that moment that I was among the dependents. I liked to know I had some wine in the house, as we were only allowed out once a day I made sure I was stocked up. Suddenly that ‘stocked up’ didn’t feel right. It made me sad, I didn’t like that myself at that moment.
History of having a good time
I am someone who in the past has had many a good night under the influence, worked in a bar, partook in the traditional binge drinking of a weekend. I had a great time. I also would always wake up with anxiety about what I had done or said the night before. I’ve come to believe that any substance will exacerbate the feeling that you have as you are doing it, and for me on many occasions it was insecurity. I was young, and thought I had something to prove. Maybe I did. As I got older it was almost expected in my job that I would drink and entertain clients so it kind of sunk in, became habitual. Having that one glass of wine to take the edge off when presenting or entertaining clients was normal, still is and for many, and is considered quite normal.
An individual journey to sobriety
"The biggest alteration for me is that I have found a way to be authentic in any social setting."
Without drinking I sleep better, I am clearer, I have found the time and energy to write, create and work towards my personal goals as well as the professional ones. However the biggest alteration for me is that I have found a way to be authentic in any social setting. I now don’t need the social lubricant to make myself feel ok with strangers, clients or ‘drinking friends’, I enjoy the unknown that comes from all these interactions. Since not drinking I find some of the evenings I have shared with friends in this latest dry spell have been filled with intellectually challenging and hilarious conversations that have excelled our friendships to new levels. I feel raw and vulnerable but safe and confident at the same time. For me, at this time in my life the choice to not drink has been only positive.
Our lockdowns seemed never ending and without alcohol it was easier to be occupied and focused on personal development courses, reading, learning, not binge drinking and watching TV. It turned out to be the catalyst for many wonderful conversations, blog ideas, plot twists in my story, a podcasting concept, business plans and all the other joys in between. We began to look forward to our chats over coffee more than our previous chats over dinner, we would each start the day energised, motivated and above all rested.
I don’t write this to recruit you into sobriety as I am not sure that I will never have a drink again, it’s more that I don’t want to and if you don’t either it’s ok. I can promise you that your heavily drinking friends will struggle with it at first, but soon they’ll learn that they always have a ride home and if you are the same you with and without alcohol they’ll stop thinking about it. I found that having a non-alcoholic cocktail helps with the illusion that you are there for the same reason as them. If they are not questioning their own relationship with alcohol every time you are in their company, they will find it easier to relax and be themselves. My drinking choices for the last 6 months have been about highlighting others choices to drink. That is on them, and I don’t take that on, if I can help it or minimize their need to understand it we all have a better time.
Change can have a similar pattern as before
If I compare my drinking journey to that of my plant based eating journey, it’s was slow and measured and then one day I just chose to not participate in certain food groups anymore, I found sources of information that help me believe my choices were best for me and then by the time I re-examined the choices I felt so good it was a no brainer.
This stint of sobriety is not my first and might not be my last but for right now, just like my vegetarianism before it I didn’t like the way it made me feel so I changed it. With food it was obvious, my body would respond in such a way that I felt like I was going through aversion therapy, same with Gluten and Dairy. It would punish me with stomach aches, tiredness and general feelings of lethargy. I wonder if the relationship with alcohol seems more complex, as the body's response is delayed. Or the fun memories and the expectation of the hangover are built in to our society as normal.
I am often confronted by my choices daily, lunch options, restaurant options, etc but now for the first time, I can honestly describe my choices as being the best decisions I have made. Whereas before I think the break was always for a reason not a choice. You cannot fully commit to a change without the commitment to the choice. In my mind, I committed but counting the months and rewarding myself for the time I was dry I missed something, I was focusing on the achievement not the space or the opportunity the sobriety offered. On previous occasions, I’d think more about the sacrifices I had made and how well I was doing, really I should have been thinking about the commitment I’d made to myself, that I could be present in these moments with loved ones, as well as having clarity to be creatively free.
Work life and shots of social courage
Not drinking in a sales role does carry a stigma, and I often get asked, oh why, you used to love wine time. It's true I did, but I think it was a coping mechanism and now I have other healthier strategies I don’t need it.
In our world it is normal to be surrounded by high functioning alcoholics, some you wouldn’t know about, some you cannot imagine any other way, but it is accepted. So too is the use of antidepressants in high pressure jobs, to me, they look to be the same, coping mechanisms. Why is it then that we feel differently for those who are medicating pharmaceutically that those that are medicating at the bar? Isn’t it the same? Sometimes we can’t see the difference because we don’t want to.
I wonder if it is a question of responsibility and control. We can only look at things through our individual perspective. If you take a look at your habits away from social pressures and the instagram filters of the outside world, what do you see? Have you asked yourself how you would like to take control this year?
"Since not drinking I find evenings with friends have been filled with intellectually challenging and hilarious conversations that have excelled our friendships to new levels."
Choices about consumption
What we eat and drink is a choice, but so is the people we follow on social media, the messages we listen to, the people we spend time with. Take responsibility for the information you subscribe to, the ideas you want to explore, the way you treat yourself, the things you believe. All choices won’t feel interlinked in the beginning of change but as with everything, it is ever more clear as time passes that all choices are connected. The decisions you make for yourself will get you to your goals faster if you shut out the noise of the people trying to sway you to their way of thinking.I said this wasn’t going to recruit and it won’t, but please take a look at the company you keep the goals you have and the behaviours you perpetuate, are they aligned? Mine weren’t and with a break from alcohol so many things make more sense to me. This is my choice, my commitment to myself. What is yours?
