There comes a time when we begin to notice that the patterns repeating in our lives are not coincidences; they are mirrors. The way we love, react, protect ourselves, and withdraw often stems from stories we didn’t consciously choose. They are scripts written by earlier versions of ourselves, shaped by our experiences, emotions, and beliefs.
In his book Becoming Supernatural, Joe Dispenza reminds us that “To truly change is to think greater than the environment, greater than the body, and greater than time.” In other words, transformation happens when we no longer allow our memories to dictate who we are.
But how do we stop living in the past when the past feels so deeply woven into who we’ve become?
The Body as the Unconscious Mind
Science tells us that up to 95% of our daily thoughts are the same as the day before. The body becomes habituated to certain emotions, such as stress, sadness, fear, and even longing, until they become our default settings. Dispenza writes that “the body becomes the mind,” meaning that even when we try to think differently, the body will pull us back into what’s familiar.
Yoga offers a similar perspective through the concept of samskāras, which are energetic impressions stored in our system from past actions, emotions, and experiences. They are the grooves in our consciousness that keep us circling the same patterns, reliving the same stories in different forms.
When we fall into relationships that echo the same wounds or find ourselves reacting to love with fear, it’s often these impressions that are speaking, not our truest selves.
Why Relationships Mirror Our Past
Relationships are the stage where our deepest stories are played out. They show us what remains unhealed. The people we attract often reflect back the parts of ourselves we’re still learning to accept, forgive, or love.
It’s not punishment, it’s revelation.
When we find ourselves saying, “Why does this keep happening to me?” it’s usually an invitation to pause and ask, “What is this experience trying to show me?”
Dispenza’s work reminds us that we can change our personal reality by changing our personality, by altering the emotions, thoughts, and reactions that have shaped who we think we are. Yoga, too, teaches that awareness is the first step to liberation (svādhyāya self-study).
To rewrite our stories, we must first witness them.
Moving Beyond the Past
Transformation is not a sudden epiphany. It’s the slow, consistent choice to stop feeding the old narrative.
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Awareness — Begin by noticing the thoughts that arise when you feel triggered or unseen. Ask, “Is this thought coming from my present self, or from a past wound?” Awareness begins the process of disidentification, separating who you are now from what you once experienced.
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Compassion — When old emotions surface, meet them with kindness. Instead of trying to “fix” yourself, imagine holding the younger version of you who learned this story. Compassion releases resistance, and with it, the energy that keeps the story alive.
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Re-visioning — Create a new internal image of who you are becoming. Feel into this version of you until your body begins to believe it. As Dispenza writes, “You have to feel it before it becomes real.”
The shift happens when the future begins to feel more familiar than the past.
Practical Self-Love Practices
These simple practices invite softness and self-understanding into the process of change:
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Journaling — Write down the story you most often tell yourself about love or worthiness. Then, beneath it, write the opposite, what you wish to believe. Read both aloud. Notice how they feel in your body.
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Heart Meditation — Place your hands on your chest, breathe slowly, and repeat: “I am worthy of love. I am safe to receive.” This communicates safety to the nervous system, allowing new experiences of love to be embodied rather than resisted. (Fai's Guided Meditations)
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Belief Reframing — Each time an old thought arises, I’ll be abandoned, I don’t deserve this, It always ends the same way — thank it. Then, softly affirm: That was once true, but it doesn’t have to be anymore.
Over time, this rewiring shifts your internal frequency. You begin to magnetise experiences that reflect your present energy rather than your past pain.
Living Beyond Memory
Self-love isn’t a morning ritual or an affirmation on the mirror, it’s a practice of consciousness. It’s catching the moment when an old pattern tries to pull you back and saying, “Not this time.”
It’s choosing openness over repetition, presence over protection, expansion over contraction.
Transformation, as Dispenza describes, is a neurological and energetic shift. The brain learns to think in new ways, the body learns to feel differently, and slowly, a new identity forms, one that isn’t tethered to pain but built on possibility.
In yogic philosophy, this is the journey from avidyā (ignorance of our true nature) to vidyā (clarity). We remember that we are not our thoughts, nor our memories, but the awareness that holds them.
When we remember this, we stop needing love to heal us, because we are already whole.
Self-love is not indulgence.
It’s discipline, the steady practice of meeting yourself again and again with honesty and compassion. Every time you notice an old story and choose not to repeat it, you are rewriting your future. You are no longer living as a reflection of your past, but as the creator of your present.
As Dispenza writes, “When you learn how to open your heart, your energy changes and your life changes.”
Maybe the greatest act of transformation is this:
To listen deeply enough that you can finally hear the story beneath the story the one that says, you were never broken at all.
Reflective Journal Prompts:
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What story do I tell myself most often about love or worthiness?
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How does my body react when I think about that story?
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What would it feel like to let that story go, even for one breath?
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Who would I be without the version of myself that pain created?
Other Journaling prompts - here. Or dive deeper into Self Love
