Moments of Clarity

You watch day by day thinking that these things you witness are normal, and then all of a sudden out of nowhere, you see something in a new light and for the first time ever you realise that the conflict in your work life and the person you are can no longer coexist in the way that they have done for years.

Your clarity makes you see the facade in all its grimy patinated elegance, hidden from so many but clear to you as if you have been given the keys to a new layer of consciousness. This grime you have discovered makes for a foggy lens, you try to stand on either side of it wondering if you can go on ignoring it, for it would be easier. You know deep down seeing the smudged reality is the truth. Although the longing for the prior ignorance won’t ease, its desirability is that it would spare you from challenges, growth and change, however pretending it isn't there and that you haven't seen it makes you uncomfortable in your own skin.

You have to choose, to be authentic to yourself or to be a cog in someone else's game, this game that they have been playing with your life for years, all the while you have been essentially asleep at the wheel of your own life.

You take a deep breath and you make a plan. You know you are unable to fool yourself and if you tried it would be a disservice to the understanding you have gained. You know the rules of the game, they are written in the patina. What you do with this knowledge is for you to decide.